A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Introspection

 Man, 2021 was a year, wasn't it?  If there's ever been a year where perspectives were seemingly so two-sided; vaccine or no vaccine, together or in isolation, who is or isn't lying.  And yet, one commonality, shared with many of the other points I've made in the past: a misunderstanding or outright refusal to listen to the opposing side leads to a gap in communication, and least when said communication doesn't turn into a full brawl of arguments.

I was originally going to try and make a new post around New Years, but, as usual for me, the thoughts I had in my head needed something more.  It would be easy to add to the stirring of the pot, even if I would try to find a grey zone in between, though at the same time, I would also just be another voice in the cacophony.  So, today, I decided to look inward, and found something I think most people could benefit from.  An introspection.

How many of you are familiar with the phrase "losing yourself in the crowd"?  It plays on the idea that we, as the individuals we are, often look to being part of something bigger than we are.  Our tendencies to join the larger groups of people, sometimes even just out of curiosity, occasionally for causes we ourselves may not fully understand.  Some get pulled so hard into these streams that it becomes their identity; and to challenge the idea is to attack them personally.  Others keep just far enough away that the indifference to it becomes the identity, often seen as just idling on the sidelines, even if their personally opinions may be more controversial.

Have you ever looked at where you are today and found yourself asking "How did I end up here?"  It's more common than you might think.  Some even add on a "Is this where I'm meant to be?"  Both are not easy questions to answer.  Both can pull you in directions you didn't even know you could go.  Whether that's good or bad depends on whether the light at the end of the tunnel is a hillside or a train.  And, if I'm being completely honest, I can't exactly rule out both also being a viable answer.  

Typically, it starts with imagining various points where different decisions could have been made, and the results of the new choice.  In my opinion, it's here where most make a mistake: being too critical of oneself.  We often think of these other paths as much, much better despite the fact that we, honestly, could never truly know if it would happen as we think it will.  Because we know, only, what had happened because of the choice we made.  If we find ourselves unsure of where our path has led, we almost immediately find ourselves believing the alternative must have been better, even if it may not have been.

I find myself thinking of Chrono Trigger again on this thought, of how we can visit various points in time and make small changes to effect one of the points in the future.  Often it leads to better equipment or a key item needed at a different point in time to continue the process.  Except that there's one possibility that, to some, may seem like the better option: through enough fights with the robot, Gato, at the fair, it is entirely possible to defeat the main boss at the very first encounter.  Sounds appealing, right?  Defeat the boss and the game ends, credits roll, and you can move on.

Here's my counter point: by doing so, you never meet all the characters in the game, never even get to see the story of going between points in time, never effect anything that would've been effected after that point.  Instead, what you get to see are two characters getting a bunch a fair points before an accident at the main attraction and a weird creature attacks them.  That's it.  For a game that is typically held in high praises for it's storyline, I would have to imagine that this particular ending is disappointing.

So, give yourself some slack when answering those internal questions.  Sometimes trying to be the absolute best you can be can be rewarding.  Other times, you could find yourself never experiencing the grand stories that you tell to people you know, maybe not even to those people, as you may never have met.  It's about how you continue forward with what you do today, not the circumstances that brought you here, that really effect your future.  

Who knows, maybe you are already on the best timeline, and don't even realize it.

Just a penny's worth of thought, for those looking inward.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Our Own Worst Enemies

In my history of observation, very few things have outright bothered me.  Are there things I disagree with?  Sure, but those can typically be explained as a difference of perspective, and require an understanding.  However, if there is truly one thing that has the tendency to bother me the most, it is the thought that because one thing is correct, everything else must be incorrect.

It's a notion you see everywhere these days; whether it be the discussion of vaccine versus mask, an old debate internet on the color of a dress, or something as simple as how one plays a game.  Search long enough nearly any discussion and you will find, somewhere, a perspective that believes, resolutely, that they are right, and everyone else is wrong, usually to the point of ignoring all discussion otherwise.

My belief has always been that there are routinely many solutions, one must simply approach the problem from a new angle.  Is it simple? No, not in the slightest.  And, usually requires quite a bit of grey area discussion.  Some people have had nasty reactions to medicines, including vaccines, and so choose the avoidance option because, for them, it is safer.  Others may have a disadvantage, one that, in the case of the dress, prevents them from being able to accurately perceive certain colors.

Gaming can often be the biggest exposure to this particular dispute, however.  You can find sources all over the place of "Run this character this way" or "This plus that equals victory", often to the detriment of either the readers or followers, all of whom have various skill levels and preferences of play.  And it bugs me on just how many of those get lost due to them following the crowd.  Giving in to that urge to belong, even if it doesn't feel right.

We truly are our own worst enemies.

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those who feel swept up by the flow.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The Traps We Forget

 It's possible to read that subtitle and ask "How?"  How do you forget about a trap?  Surely it had a purpose, right?  But, sometimes those purposes change or, perhaps, get lost with time.

I think that some of what we see nowadays could be old traps being triggered, perhaps even by people that didn't even realize they were traps.  Bad situations with no real "good" outcome, brought about by a few too many ingredients being at the right place at the wrong time.  Even as I step warily around it myself, I can already feel the polarizing nature, minds snapping to this situation or that experience at just the words, an easy trap to find.

Then how was it forgotten?  The simple answer is that times, and people, change.  It is the kind of trap laid by "think first" people for "act first" people.  Two groups that are hard to get to communicate, for obvious reasons.  The more challenging, and perhaps more true, answer is that it is the kind of trap, born of experience, that becomes second nature.

A bit like a bad experience with an animal.  They can seem aggressive, hissing and growling, when they are simply being defensive.  And yet, how many people do you know that have ignored those warnings, been bit or scratched, and from then on simply decide that those particular animals just "don't like me"?  Maybe even continue to confuse those creatures as being aggressive toward them specifically?  A personal trap, in comparison, no?  Those are easier to set than you might think.  Have you ever convinced yourself you dislike something you would normally have liked, for one reason or another?  Perhaps the opposite?  Was that reason controversial in nature, say akin to missing characters in a game, or poor quality from an otherwise beloved developer?

It is, in my opinion, as easy to trap ourselves with our biases as it is to trap someone else with theirs.  But, once we have those traps, they are not easily removed to begin with, and our memories of why may fade over time.  So, how to remove them?  For some, we cannot without triggering them, snapping it quickly and, ideally, as safely as possible.  Something that is rarely so easy.  A personal bias, some small, defensive attachment for the off chance our past returns to haunt us... only to have it be why the past returns.

There are reasons we were always told to heed our histories.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those trying to avoid being snapped at the ankle.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Confidence

It's always surprising to me how a matter of perspective can change even our understood definition of words.  Take today's subject: Confidence by the dictionary is defined as having a belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.  I don't think there's very many people who would dispute that, true.  However, if I were to ask you to identify an example on sight?  I'm sure there would be a variety of answers.  Of people or items, perhaps with "Old Faithful" monikers and tales of how they earned the title.

In fact, it can go even further.  A person's self-confidence can depend on certain situations.  Some may need it for work every day.  Other's for a competition or an event.  Plus, it could come and fade, depending on the day or situation.  And, sometimes, just like any other topic of mine, a different perspective could make all the difference.

I was recently in conversation with some recent friends of mine, and had let slip my old endeavors on Youtube.  For me, at the end of that trial period, it had seemed like a losing battle.  I had neither the equipment nor the prowess to fulfill what I had hoped to achieve.  Not too mention, if I'm being completely honest, my non-scripted motif likely didn't help either.  It was one of the reasons I rarely, if ever, asked for likes, comments, or subscriptions; which you see all over the place, even back then.  I wasn't confident in my work, and thus, didn't feel like I had anything worth asking people to do those things for.

What surprised me, as I proceeded to begrudgingly link my channel while calling out my subpar content, was that, in their eyes, it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt it was.  I had received supporting notions for nearly a decade's old work that I felt like I didn't deserve, back in the day or now.

We can often be our own worst enemy in such things.  We objectively point out our mistakes despite them going unnoticed, quite nearly because we know those mistakes, almost as if it taunts us to see where our system struggles to keep up, or that a self-built figure may be attached backwards.  Or, we could fool ourselves into believing the opposite, that a gimmick is overshadowing a sound strategy simply because we want it to mean something, whether for ourselves or the ones watching us.

It can be a bit like polarized screens or optical illusions.  From one angle, you see an opaque or jumbled image, but then you start to tilt your head, if only to watch how it changes as you do.  Sometimes, you see that hidden face.  Occasionally, you find just the right spot for a mirrored reflection.  The question to ask?  How about this: Which viewpoint makes you the most confident in what you see?  Are you more certain with the elderly lady or the young woman?  The mirror or the black screen?

And further more, do you base the confidence of your answer on yourself, or on another?

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those confident in the words.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The chimes that bind

 Here's one that you may not even think about: why does some music seem to divide those that hear it?  It seems common when meeting new people, either in real life or online, that at some point the question of favorite tunes comes up, and even more common that people will either be specifically for or against certain types.

This is especially odd for me, giving that anyone who's been around me long enough knows exactly the kind of music I prefer: video game soundtrack.  I've had more than a few encounters over the years where someone has walked up to me at work, phone drawn, sometimes with music already playing, and been asked only for them to receive a headshake and a "You probably won't have it", with the occasional "Try me" and "Oh..." following depending on their adamancy.

The simple observation is that, for many, music is their escape, for others a tone setter, and for me, well, it's more of the cherry on an ice cream cone.  I've always said I like the music to tell it's own story, as an explanation for my lack of lyricals.  I can listen to Arata Iiyoshi's "Sky Tower" or Jeremy Soule's "March through Norrhart" and feel like I can immediately visualize what is occuring.  Granted, I have played their games of origin, which I can't say hasn't skewed it slightly.

And, in truth, it's not that I don't have any lyrical songs in my library, it's just that they are a very small part of it in comparison, though usually with a similar source.  Jon Licht's "Honor for All", Asja Kadric's "Fear not this Night", and Breaking Benjamin's "Blow Me Away" from hearing the non-lyric versions as I played Dishonored, Guild Wars 2, and Halo 2 for example.  But, their meanings are different than say someone going the other direction.

That's where I think things get cloudy for people when talking of music.  Like many things, origin can play a big factor in how they view or even hear it.  Sure, as a pokemon person, I am well aware of the "Pokemon Theme Song", but, means I was always more into the games than the show, the "Pokemon Red/Blue Opening Theme", which I should add you can hear in almost any of the other opening themes, carries significantly more weight for me than even that iconic song.

How to bridge the gap between origins honestly begins with acknowledging there is a gap in the first place, as well as knowing that some of them might be in less friendly places than others.  Beyond that?  I would compare it to a roguelike game, where everything after the start changes every playthrough.  Knowing whether you succeed or fail is impossible to tell until you start through the dungeon.  The real question is how long you think you'll keep playing until you decide to stop.

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those with an ear to the sky.