A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Confidence

It's always surprising to me how a matter of perspective can change even our understood definition of words.  Take today's subject: Confidence by the dictionary is defined as having a belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.  I don't think there's very many people who would dispute that, true.  However, if I were to ask you to identify an example on sight?  I'm sure there would be a variety of answers.  Of people or items, perhaps with "Old Faithful" monikers and tales of how they earned the title.

In fact, it can go even further.  A person's self-confidence can depend on certain situations.  Some may need it for work every day.  Other's for a competition or an event.  Plus, it could come and fade, depending on the day or situation.  And, sometimes, just like any other topic of mine, a different perspective could make all the difference.

I was recently in conversation with some recent friends of mine, and had let slip my old endeavors on Youtube.  For me, at the end of that trial period, it had seemed like a losing battle.  I had neither the equipment nor the prowess to fulfill what I had hoped to achieve.  Not too mention, if I'm being completely honest, my non-scripted motif likely didn't help either.  It was one of the reasons I rarely, if ever, asked for likes, comments, or subscriptions; which you see all over the place, even back then.  I wasn't confident in my work, and thus, didn't feel like I had anything worth asking people to do those things for.

What surprised me, as I proceeded to begrudgingly link my channel while calling out my subpar content, was that, in their eyes, it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt it was.  I had received supporting notions for nearly a decade's old work that I felt like I didn't deserve, back in the day or now.

We can often be our own worst enemy in such things.  We objectively point out our mistakes despite them going unnoticed, quite nearly because we know those mistakes, almost as if it taunts us to see where our system struggles to keep up, or that a self-built figure may be attached backwards.  Or, we could fool ourselves into believing the opposite, that a gimmick is overshadowing a sound strategy simply because we want it to mean something, whether for ourselves or the ones watching us.

It can be a bit like polarized screens or optical illusions.  From one angle, you see an opaque or jumbled image, but then you start to tilt your head, if only to watch how it changes as you do.  Sometimes, you see that hidden face.  Occasionally, you find just the right spot for a mirrored reflection.  The question to ask?  How about this: Which viewpoint makes you the most confident in what you see?  Are you more certain with the elderly lady or the young woman?  The mirror or the black screen?

And further more, do you base the confidence of your answer on yourself, or on another?

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those confident in the words.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The chimes that bind

 Here's one that you may not even think about: why does some music seem to divide those that hear it?  It seems common when meeting new people, either in real life or online, that at some point the question of favorite tunes comes up, and even more common that people will either be specifically for or against certain types.

This is especially odd for me, giving that anyone who's been around me long enough knows exactly the kind of music I prefer: video game soundtrack.  I've had more than a few encounters over the years where someone has walked up to me at work, phone drawn, sometimes with music already playing, and been asked only for them to receive a headshake and a "You probably won't have it", with the occasional "Try me" and "Oh..." following depending on their adamancy.

The simple observation is that, for many, music is their escape, for others a tone setter, and for me, well, it's more of the cherry on an ice cream cone.  I've always said I like the music to tell it's own story, as an explanation for my lack of lyricals.  I can listen to Arata Iiyoshi's "Sky Tower" or Jeremy Soule's "March through Norrhart" and feel like I can immediately visualize what is occuring.  Granted, I have played their games of origin, which I can't say hasn't skewed it slightly.

And, in truth, it's not that I don't have any lyrical songs in my library, it's just that they are a very small part of it in comparison, though usually with a similar source.  Jon Licht's "Honor for All", Asja Kadric's "Fear not this Night", and Breaking Benjamin's "Blow Me Away" from hearing the non-lyric versions as I played Dishonored, Guild Wars 2, and Halo 2 for example.  But, their meanings are different than say someone going the other direction.

That's where I think things get cloudy for people when talking of music.  Like many things, origin can play a big factor in how they view or even hear it.  Sure, as a pokemon person, I am well aware of the "Pokemon Theme Song", but, means I was always more into the games than the show, the "Pokemon Red/Blue Opening Theme", which I should add you can hear in almost any of the other opening themes, carries significantly more weight for me than even that iconic song.

How to bridge the gap between origins honestly begins with acknowledging there is a gap in the first place, as well as knowing that some of them might be in less friendly places than others.  Beyond that?  I would compare it to a roguelike game, where everything after the start changes every playthrough.  Knowing whether you succeed or fail is impossible to tell until you start through the dungeon.  The real question is how long you think you'll keep playing until you decide to stop.

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those with an ear to the sky.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Nostalgia

 With my ten year highschool reunion, I've found myself revisiting a perspective I haven't seen in some time, an old practice ground if you will.  The observer in the crowd.

It may soumd strange at first; have I not been an observer with each post I've made before.  The difference?  This time I'm a silent member of the crowd, rather than the observer outside of it.  I call it a practice groumd because I feel I can honestly say that school is where I developed my observation and perspective abilities, though I doubt they even suspected.  They might not even have realized it last night even.

And, it's an interesting perspective to talk over: one of missing information more often than not, as I kept jumping between and different points at various times.  Could I tell you why there was excitement over bloodtypes O and A?  No.  What of the outcome of a misadventure involving a gas line?  No, though if I heard correctly that one may still in progress.  And what of the spouses, who come from classes of 200+, being explained why this is a big deal for our class of sub-100?  I detected some confusion lingering, but that one I feel is more on the difference of perspective between the two.

The thing is, sometimes having all the information is unecessary, or perhaps even detrimental.  I know enough to know that some of the jabs at each other were just callbacks to years past, if not always received that way.  Enough to know some of the small, bickering asides are likely to reach their conclusion either later in the night or perhaps this morning, when one or both sides are more sober than they were.  And don't ask me how the conversation moved from Call of Duty to Donkey Kong 64, but by golly, I knew Chunky Kong was the name they were searching for about the coconut bazooka.

It's something I think people misunderstand, living in an age where knowledge is at our fingertips.  It's the pox of curiosity that we ask more questions simply be receiving an answer.  Some are satisfied with just that, others have to delve down the rabbit hole, sometimes a decent way.  But, a surprisingly common truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Also, in the off chance they read this or it gets shared on the reunion page, the cupcake was absolutely delicious.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those nostalgic for the old days.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Solitude

Seems a strange topic, doesn't it?  Solitude can mean different things to different people, just like anything else, sure.  For some, it's something to yearn for, somewhere to escape from day to day troubles.  Others may choose to define it more as a punishment of choices, an ending effect that causes loneliness.  But then, why speak of solitude where I usually talk of bringing people together?  Contradictory in a sense, but I feel like there's more to it than the first impressions.

My impression of solitude was always less of the where and, in some cases, the who.  The what is what peaks my interest.  The peace or the chaos, depending on who you ask.  And, perhaps, that the ones who feel dread are simply misplacing where their "true" solitude lies.  That it doesn't have to mean alone.

Have you ever had those certain someones that just being around eases you? Perhaps a group of them?  Who's to say that that, in itself, isn't a form of solitude?  Or even a particular activity or focus, perhaps even location?  I'd be willing to bet answering those questions has you seeing the grey, whether your own or someone else's.

The question then becomes what to do with the knowledge.  Do you help a buddy break through an invisible wall, or do you decide that, maybe, just maybe, aligning with dragons doesn't seem so bad?  One-size fits all is always a little big or small for someone, after all.

It's a bit like playing a board game.  Everyone is looking for the same goal, but may have to take a different path to get to it.  Some find it easier through competition, others cooperation.  But it's always the same goal.

Sometimes you just have to realize that some of us are playing a different game.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those comfortable enough to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The Value of Another

I know what some of you are thinking, especially after reading that subtitle, either from the camp of "Yea, we got another one" or "Oh boy, here we go again".  But, here's the thing, in keeping with the neutrality that is "A Penny's Worth of Thoughts", anyone who has read before knows that that's not what I'm going for.  In fact, if I had to say my impressions, it's the extremes on both sides causing the polarity.  In this case, there's actually a bunch of grey area in the middle, just that calling it out will often just put one in the crossfire.

So, why then?  Why paint that target, when I clearly know it will happen?  Because, as I've stated before in a number of my other posts, the neutral ground is a path to resolution, and I know, even as I read that myself, even that statement can cause problems.  Doesn't make it more or less true, however, despite the extremes either way.

I've often been asked, sometimes even criticized for, why I do so much with video games.  The answer surprisingly fits here as well: outside of the extremes, the rules of games are clearly defined in what is and is not possible.  You can start up a game, so long as it is neither already broken or with intention to break, and understand how to play, if with some tutorials.  Plus, the rules of the games, in their own worlds, often make sense, if with that stretch of the so called "game logic".

This similarity is why I write today.  Just as with games, the rules are defined until you get to the extremes, and it is the blurriness of the extremes that we see spun everywhere today.  Yes, there are peaceful protests.  Yes, there are violent officials.  But, to both, there are also the violent riots and the officers who simply want to make it home at the end of the day.  This is why I feel like my neutral ground is so important, a haven, if you will, for those getting painted, whether rightly or wrongly, as being one side or the other.

Because for as much as people say this either is or isn't about color, both of the extremes seem to be seeing an awful lot of red.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, lost in the chaos.