A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: What is Normal?

 Seems like a strange question to ask, doesn't it?  "What is Normal?"  I'm sure most of us at least have an idea of an answer as well, even though in reality, that answer is rarely so simple.  My normal seems to be posting here about once a year, even though I do mean to update Penny's Worth more frequently.

In truth, I've actually had this particular post in mind for quite some time already, it just hadn't seemed ready until I found myself asking that very question and finding myself curious of the answer that I had.  We constantly find ourselves looking outward, toward the others around us, when the reality is that it is often inward, within ourselves, that the answer is hidden.  That "normal" is much more individual than we give it credit for.  We each have our own to some degree.

Perhaps it is something I've known for a long time without realizing it.  Perhaps you have as well.  Personally, I've always seemed to favor myself as the outcast when it's come to "normal" and have, ironically, found that I have become my version of just that purely out of the habit.  Because that is just what it is, in my opinion: our habits of day to day that we do without thinking of it.  And yet, we are constantly being told of or seeking it as a connection to one another.  How many times have you heard a parent tell a child to "act normal" even if they, in truth, you might not be able to tell them apart from a similar child behaviorly elsewhere?

Even within groups of people, the "normal" does not typically apply to every individual of that group.  It reminds me of an interaction I had with some online friends during a Pokemon discord game some time ago.  In it, teams of up to three people can battle it out either against randomly spawned AI teams or teams of other players.  In this particular battle, we were up against one of the hardest possible AI teams: a named team called Team Charm.  We had a particular rivalry against Team Charm priorly, and up to this point, had been unable to defeat them on our server.  We were running type advantage counters, as I would say would be typical of players of this game, and were still coming up short.  The thing was, countering my opponents was not "normal" for my style of play, I was much more accustomed to absorbing hits off of allies or playing the game to more outlast the opponents rather than defeat them quickly.  The trick of it was, my character I had the most experience doing so had a type disadvantage against Team Charm, so I was urged against bringing him, for fear it would quickly become a 2 versus 3 game if I had done so.  My counterpoint was that, in bringing him, I could guarantee the focus on myself, and hopefully buy my partners enough time to take the most powerful member of their team out and ensure our victory.  Because that was "normal" to me.  I wasn't expecting to survive to the end of the fight.  I simply wanted to buy them as much time as I could, because I was practiced at doing so.  

Was it the choice that gave us the win that day?  Truthfully, there are so many other factors that I don't think I could make that call.  What I do know is that, despite putting myself at that disadvantage, I felt more confident than I had the previous attempts.  Perhaps that is what "normal" should be.  The choices that give us confidence in our actions, whatever they are.  And what that is... well, that's not for me to say for anyone other than myself.  We decide our own normalcy, even if it's rejecting normalcy

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those typical and atypical alike.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Introspection

 Man, 2021 was a year, wasn't it?  If there's ever been a year where perspectives were seemingly so two-sided; vaccine or no vaccine, together or in isolation, who is or isn't lying.  And yet, one commonality, shared with many of the other points I've made in the past: a misunderstanding or outright refusal to listen to the opposing side leads to a gap in communication, and least when said communication doesn't turn into a full brawl of arguments.

I was originally going to try and make a new post around New Years, but, as usual for me, the thoughts I had in my head needed something more.  It would be easy to add to the stirring of the pot, even if I would try to find a grey zone in between, though at the same time, I would also just be another voice in the cacophony.  So, today, I decided to look inward, and found something I think most people could benefit from.  An introspection.

How many of you are familiar with the phrase "losing yourself in the crowd"?  It plays on the idea that we, as the individuals we are, often look to being part of something bigger than we are.  Our tendencies to join the larger groups of people, sometimes even just out of curiosity, occasionally for causes we ourselves may not fully understand.  Some get pulled so hard into these streams that it becomes their identity; and to challenge the idea is to attack them personally.  Others keep just far enough away that the indifference to it becomes the identity, often seen as just idling on the sidelines, even if their personally opinions may be more controversial.

Have you ever looked at where you are today and found yourself asking "How did I end up here?"  It's more common than you might think.  Some even add on a "Is this where I'm meant to be?"  Both are not easy questions to answer.  Both can pull you in directions you didn't even know you could go.  Whether that's good or bad depends on whether the light at the end of the tunnel is a hillside or a train.  And, if I'm being completely honest, I can't exactly rule out both also being a viable answer.  

Typically, it starts with imagining various points where different decisions could have been made, and the results of the new choice.  In my opinion, it's here where most make a mistake: being too critical of oneself.  We often think of these other paths as much, much better despite the fact that we, honestly, could never truly know if it would happen as we think it will.  Because we know, only, what had happened because of the choice we made.  If we find ourselves unsure of where our path has led, we almost immediately find ourselves believing the alternative must have been better, even if it may not have been.

I find myself thinking of Chrono Trigger again on this thought, of how we can visit various points in time and make small changes to effect one of the points in the future.  Often it leads to better equipment or a key item needed at a different point in time to continue the process.  Except that there's one possibility that, to some, may seem like the better option: through enough fights with the robot, Gato, at the fair, it is entirely possible to defeat the main boss at the very first encounter.  Sounds appealing, right?  Defeat the boss and the game ends, credits roll, and you can move on.

Here's my counter point: by doing so, you never meet all the characters in the game, never even get to see the story of going between points in time, never effect anything that would've been effected after that point.  Instead, what you get to see are two characters getting a bunch a fair points before an accident at the main attraction and a weird creature attacks them.  That's it.  For a game that is typically held in high praises for it's storyline, I would have to imagine that this particular ending is disappointing.

So, give yourself some slack when answering those internal questions.  Sometimes trying to be the absolute best you can be can be rewarding.  Other times, you could find yourself never experiencing the grand stories that you tell to people you know, maybe not even to those people, as you may never have met.  It's about how you continue forward with what you do today, not the circumstances that brought you here, that really effect your future.  

Who knows, maybe you are already on the best timeline, and don't even realize it.

Just a penny's worth of thought, for those looking inward.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Our Own Worst Enemies

In my history of observation, very few things have outright bothered me.  Are there things I disagree with?  Sure, but those can typically be explained as a difference of perspective, and require an understanding.  However, if there is truly one thing that has the tendency to bother me the most, it is the thought that because one thing is correct, everything else must be incorrect.

It's a notion you see everywhere these days; whether it be the discussion of vaccine versus mask, an old debate internet on the color of a dress, or something as simple as how one plays a game.  Search long enough nearly any discussion and you will find, somewhere, a perspective that believes, resolutely, that they are right, and everyone else is wrong, usually to the point of ignoring all discussion otherwise.

My belief has always been that there are routinely many solutions, one must simply approach the problem from a new angle.  Is it simple? No, not in the slightest.  And, usually requires quite a bit of grey area discussion.  Some people have had nasty reactions to medicines, including vaccines, and so choose the avoidance option because, for them, it is safer.  Others may have a disadvantage, one that, in the case of the dress, prevents them from being able to accurately perceive certain colors.

Gaming can often be the biggest exposure to this particular dispute, however.  You can find sources all over the place of "Run this character this way" or "This plus that equals victory", often to the detriment of either the readers or followers, all of whom have various skill levels and preferences of play.  And it bugs me on just how many of those get lost due to them following the crowd.  Giving in to that urge to belong, even if it doesn't feel right.

We truly are our own worst enemies.

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those who feel swept up by the flow.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The Traps We Forget

 It's possible to read that subtitle and ask "How?"  How do you forget about a trap?  Surely it had a purpose, right?  But, sometimes those purposes change or, perhaps, get lost with time.

I think that some of what we see nowadays could be old traps being triggered, perhaps even by people that didn't even realize they were traps.  Bad situations with no real "good" outcome, brought about by a few too many ingredients being at the right place at the wrong time.  Even as I step warily around it myself, I can already feel the polarizing nature, minds snapping to this situation or that experience at just the words, an easy trap to find.

Then how was it forgotten?  The simple answer is that times, and people, change.  It is the kind of trap laid by "think first" people for "act first" people.  Two groups that are hard to get to communicate, for obvious reasons.  The more challenging, and perhaps more true, answer is that it is the kind of trap, born of experience, that becomes second nature.

A bit like a bad experience with an animal.  They can seem aggressive, hissing and growling, when they are simply being defensive.  And yet, how many people do you know that have ignored those warnings, been bit or scratched, and from then on simply decide that those particular animals just "don't like me"?  Maybe even continue to confuse those creatures as being aggressive toward them specifically?  A personal trap, in comparison, no?  Those are easier to set than you might think.  Have you ever convinced yourself you dislike something you would normally have liked, for one reason or another?  Perhaps the opposite?  Was that reason controversial in nature, say akin to missing characters in a game, or poor quality from an otherwise beloved developer?

It is, in my opinion, as easy to trap ourselves with our biases as it is to trap someone else with theirs.  But, once we have those traps, they are not easily removed to begin with, and our memories of why may fade over time.  So, how to remove them?  For some, we cannot without triggering them, snapping it quickly and, ideally, as safely as possible.  Something that is rarely so easy.  A personal bias, some small, defensive attachment for the off chance our past returns to haunt us... only to have it be why the past returns.

There are reasons we were always told to heed our histories.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those trying to avoid being snapped at the ankle.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Confidence

It's always surprising to me how a matter of perspective can change even our understood definition of words.  Take today's subject: Confidence by the dictionary is defined as having a belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing.  I don't think there's very many people who would dispute that, true.  However, if I were to ask you to identify an example on sight?  I'm sure there would be a variety of answers.  Of people or items, perhaps with "Old Faithful" monikers and tales of how they earned the title.

In fact, it can go even further.  A person's self-confidence can depend on certain situations.  Some may need it for work every day.  Other's for a competition or an event.  Plus, it could come and fade, depending on the day or situation.  And, sometimes, just like any other topic of mine, a different perspective could make all the difference.

I was recently in conversation with some recent friends of mine, and had let slip my old endeavors on Youtube.  For me, at the end of that trial period, it had seemed like a losing battle.  I had neither the equipment nor the prowess to fulfill what I had hoped to achieve.  Not too mention, if I'm being completely honest, my non-scripted motif likely didn't help either.  It was one of the reasons I rarely, if ever, asked for likes, comments, or subscriptions; which you see all over the place, even back then.  I wasn't confident in my work, and thus, didn't feel like I had anything worth asking people to do those things for.

What surprised me, as I proceeded to begrudgingly link my channel while calling out my subpar content, was that, in their eyes, it wasn't nearly as bad as I felt it was.  I had received supporting notions for nearly a decade's old work that I felt like I didn't deserve, back in the day or now.

We can often be our own worst enemy in such things.  We objectively point out our mistakes despite them going unnoticed, quite nearly because we know those mistakes, almost as if it taunts us to see where our system struggles to keep up, or that a self-built figure may be attached backwards.  Or, we could fool ourselves into believing the opposite, that a gimmick is overshadowing a sound strategy simply because we want it to mean something, whether for ourselves or the ones watching us.

It can be a bit like polarized screens or optical illusions.  From one angle, you see an opaque or jumbled image, but then you start to tilt your head, if only to watch how it changes as you do.  Sometimes, you see that hidden face.  Occasionally, you find just the right spot for a mirrored reflection.  The question to ask?  How about this: Which viewpoint makes you the most confident in what you see?  Are you more certain with the elderly lady or the young woman?  The mirror or the black screen?

And further more, do you base the confidence of your answer on yourself, or on another?

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those confident in the words.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The chimes that bind

 Here's one that you may not even think about: why does some music seem to divide those that hear it?  It seems common when meeting new people, either in real life or online, that at some point the question of favorite tunes comes up, and even more common that people will either be specifically for or against certain types.

This is especially odd for me, giving that anyone who's been around me long enough knows exactly the kind of music I prefer: video game soundtrack.  I've had more than a few encounters over the years where someone has walked up to me at work, phone drawn, sometimes with music already playing, and been asked only for them to receive a headshake and a "You probably won't have it", with the occasional "Try me" and "Oh..." following depending on their adamancy.

The simple observation is that, for many, music is their escape, for others a tone setter, and for me, well, it's more of the cherry on an ice cream cone.  I've always said I like the music to tell it's own story, as an explanation for my lack of lyricals.  I can listen to Arata Iiyoshi's "Sky Tower" or Jeremy Soule's "March through Norrhart" and feel like I can immediately visualize what is occuring.  Granted, I have played their games of origin, which I can't say hasn't skewed it slightly.

And, in truth, it's not that I don't have any lyrical songs in my library, it's just that they are a very small part of it in comparison, though usually with a similar source.  Jon Licht's "Honor for All", Asja Kadric's "Fear not this Night", and Breaking Benjamin's "Blow Me Away" from hearing the non-lyric versions as I played Dishonored, Guild Wars 2, and Halo 2 for example.  But, their meanings are different than say someone going the other direction.

That's where I think things get cloudy for people when talking of music.  Like many things, origin can play a big factor in how they view or even hear it.  Sure, as a pokemon person, I am well aware of the "Pokemon Theme Song", but, means I was always more into the games than the show, the "Pokemon Red/Blue Opening Theme", which I should add you can hear in almost any of the other opening themes, carries significantly more weight for me than even that iconic song.

How to bridge the gap between origins honestly begins with acknowledging there is a gap in the first place, as well as knowing that some of them might be in less friendly places than others.  Beyond that?  I would compare it to a roguelike game, where everything after the start changes every playthrough.  Knowing whether you succeed or fail is impossible to tell until you start through the dungeon.  The real question is how long you think you'll keep playing until you decide to stop.

Just a Penny's Worth of Thoughts, for those with an ear to the sky.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Nostalgia

 With my ten year highschool reunion, I've found myself revisiting a perspective I haven't seen in some time, an old practice ground if you will.  The observer in the crowd.

It may soumd strange at first; have I not been an observer with each post I've made before.  The difference?  This time I'm a silent member of the crowd, rather than the observer outside of it.  I call it a practice groumd because I feel I can honestly say that school is where I developed my observation and perspective abilities, though I doubt they even suspected.  They might not even have realized it last night even.

And, it's an interesting perspective to talk over: one of missing information more often than not, as I kept jumping between and different points at various times.  Could I tell you why there was excitement over bloodtypes O and A?  No.  What of the outcome of a misadventure involving a gas line?  No, though if I heard correctly that one may still in progress.  And what of the spouses, who come from classes of 200+, being explained why this is a big deal for our class of sub-100?  I detected some confusion lingering, but that one I feel is more on the difference of perspective between the two.

The thing is, sometimes having all the information is unecessary, or perhaps even detrimental.  I know enough to know that some of the jabs at each other were just callbacks to years past, if not always received that way.  Enough to know some of the small, bickering asides are likely to reach their conclusion either later in the night or perhaps this morning, when one or both sides are more sober than they were.  And don't ask me how the conversation moved from Call of Duty to Donkey Kong 64, but by golly, I knew Chunky Kong was the name they were searching for about the coconut bazooka.

It's something I think people misunderstand, living in an age where knowledge is at our fingertips.  It's the pox of curiosity that we ask more questions simply be receiving an answer.  Some are satisfied with just that, others have to delve down the rabbit hole, sometimes a decent way.  But, a surprisingly common truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Also, in the off chance they read this or it gets shared on the reunion page, the cupcake was absolutely delicious.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those nostalgic for the old days.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Solitude

Seems a strange topic, doesn't it?  Solitude can mean different things to different people, just like anything else, sure.  For some, it's something to yearn for, somewhere to escape from day to day troubles.  Others may choose to define it more as a punishment of choices, an ending effect that causes loneliness.  But then, why speak of solitude where I usually talk of bringing people together?  Contradictory in a sense, but I feel like there's more to it than the first impressions.

My impression of solitude was always less of the where and, in some cases, the who.  The what is what peaks my interest.  The peace or the chaos, depending on who you ask.  And, perhaps, that the ones who feel dread are simply misplacing where their "true" solitude lies.  That it doesn't have to mean alone.

Have you ever had those certain someones that just being around eases you? Perhaps a group of them?  Who's to say that that, in itself, isn't a form of solitude?  Or even a particular activity or focus, perhaps even location?  I'd be willing to bet answering those questions has you seeing the grey, whether your own or someone else's.

The question then becomes what to do with the knowledge.  Do you help a buddy break through an invisible wall, or do you decide that, maybe, just maybe, aligning with dragons doesn't seem so bad?  One-size fits all is always a little big or small for someone, after all.

It's a bit like playing a board game.  Everyone is looking for the same goal, but may have to take a different path to get to it.  Some find it easier through competition, others cooperation.  But it's always the same goal.

Sometimes you just have to realize that some of us are playing a different game.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those comfortable enough to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The Value of Another

I know what some of you are thinking, especially after reading that subtitle, either from the camp of "Yea, we got another one" or "Oh boy, here we go again".  But, here's the thing, in keeping with the neutrality that is "A Penny's Worth of Thoughts", anyone who has read before knows that that's not what I'm going for.  In fact, if I had to say my impressions, it's the extremes on both sides causing the polarity.  In this case, there's actually a bunch of grey area in the middle, just that calling it out will often just put one in the crossfire.

So, why then?  Why paint that target, when I clearly know it will happen?  Because, as I've stated before in a number of my other posts, the neutral ground is a path to resolution, and I know, even as I read that myself, even that statement can cause problems.  Doesn't make it more or less true, however, despite the extremes either way.

I've often been asked, sometimes even criticized for, why I do so much with video games.  The answer surprisingly fits here as well: outside of the extremes, the rules of games are clearly defined in what is and is not possible.  You can start up a game, so long as it is neither already broken or with intention to break, and understand how to play, if with some tutorials.  Plus, the rules of the games, in their own worlds, often make sense, if with that stretch of the so called "game logic".

This similarity is why I write today.  Just as with games, the rules are defined until you get to the extremes, and it is the blurriness of the extremes that we see spun everywhere today.  Yes, there are peaceful protests.  Yes, there are violent officials.  But, to both, there are also the violent riots and the officers who simply want to make it home at the end of the day.  This is why I feel like my neutral ground is so important, a haven, if you will, for those getting painted, whether rightly or wrongly, as being one side or the other.

Because for as much as people say this either is or isn't about color, both of the extremes seem to be seeing an awful lot of red.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, lost in the chaos.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Difference of Meaning

You hear so much these days of arguments over two interpretations of words.  Some being twisted to suit a certain perspective, others in ignorance or confusion of what the meaning actually is.  Yet, you can still find that both of those meanings can be correct, even in a general sense.

Take, for example, allergies.  If you ask most people what allergies are, the responses will typically be one of two: either they are a seasonal or context based annoyance to a person, usually of the nasal variety, or they will be potentially life threatening if not caught early enough, usually through consumption.  Does that make the seasonal sufferers pity the severe ones, or in the reverse, the severe sufferers wish they could trade off their allergens for the less threatening variety?  It's possible, though it tends to vary person to person.

The point here is that, although the word itself has multiple meanings, each meaning is held at it's equivalent value, usually after the person either specifies or explains their severity.  Why is it, then, that it is more difficult for people to agree on other such variable words?  My thought: because the meaning each side agrees with is based on their perspective of the subject, where it can be more difficult to explain why that is it's meaning due to what I would call an experience gap.  That the meaning that we understand is based more on what we are familiar with, and it is the context, or lack thereof, that throws us off.

I've had some of my own experience on this as of late, from seeing people put quotes around the word essential, as if to demean it to either themselves or to others, to me almost mentally doing it to a phrase, wait time, as I sat on the phone to a DES line seeking answers on an unemployment question, usually after a few minute average extends into hours.  In fact, some of you may have even expected me to do it just then, despite it being grammatically correct either way, if with some word change.

The sad part is, the only way I could see resolving this particular puzzle is to suggest being more open minded to the alternatives, which for many is not an easy task.  I find it perhaps even more of a puzzle to find a middle ground otherwise, as it is an issue that, outside of certain groups potentially, is rarely seen, even rarer discussed.  But it can be done.

Just ask any number of leaders you can come across in Guild Wars 2 why they use the shorthand for crowd control, or CC, as a way of requesting more damage per second, or DPS, on a single boss enemy when in squads or groups.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those who can see the meaning of it.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Crazy World

Things have gotten out of hand here recently, haven't they?  This pandemic has definitely shown how critically opposite point of views can get, even in regards toward attaining the same goal.  There are areas where hearing one of the approaches can have you thinking "Yeah, that could work" while the other can bring out the "Wait, what?" out of you.  There are even varying degrees of each: me, personally, align with the self-isolation, partly because it's an easy thing on my part, usually playing games online with my buddies and all, and partly because, knowing my condition is classified as an auto-immune disorder, it may be the wisest idea for me.  That being said, there is a difference between preparing for the storm and personally emptying shelves of supplies that I may need for a yet uncertain amount of time.

The flipside of that, however, which I think is becoming more prevalent as time goes on is the cabin fever effect showing it's potency, though not without it's own reasons.  Many of those individuals are in positions that know that things will stack against waiting it out over time.  Goods and services are still in use, perhaps even more so now than before, and they have a fear of the reserve supply of each also running it's course.  On this side, I also agree.  I'm eager to return to work, if for nothing more than extra stability.  And so, once again, I find myself standing neutral in a field of polar opposites.

There are arguments to be made for each, as always.  Arguments that you can see or hear through news outlets or social media.  Arguments searching for a one-size-fits-all solution, despite the fact that there has rarely ever been one.  Certain people are better suited for some than others, and the, I would say almost off-hand, parts for the others aren't always the best of options either, as there are just some things that can't be handled from home, just as there are things that can be surprising or overlooked, even with an excess of caution.

In a way, it kind of reminds me of any one of a collection of collectable card games.  The deckbuilding being representative of our knowledge of what to expect, usually with minor additions or a side board for our cautionary stance.  But one thing remains the same, we never truly know what will be on the other side of the table, sometimes not even when enough cards have been played for a reasonable prediction, as there could always be trade outs or tweaks made to what we assume it to be.  But, you can always tell an opponent's familiarity with the game, usually by either their lack of or over-preparedness.  Still, even when we think we know what will happen, one surprise turn can completely turn it around, and that is something I know many think about, with the generally held stance being that there's only so much preparation you can do before the game begins.  The rest you have to do as it plays out.

Otherwise, in attempt to make sure we have all the pieces, all we succeed in doing is running our deck dry.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those willing to draw on it.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Challenging One's Self

Here's an interesting thought: Why do some people make things harder on themselves?  Sure, some will say it's for the thrill of the challenge, but it's also possible to go so far that you give up because it becomes too hard.  You may think there's a fine line between the two, only to be surprised at just how much grey area there is between them.

Consider the last time you asked yourself how much more you could take or even simply stated that you couldn't anymore.  Did it continue or stop?  What motivated you one way or the other?  Was that motivation worth it in the end?  Simple questions to ask, much harder to answer, wouldn't you agree?  Perhaps it was a time you told yourself "Never again" only to do it once more without realizing it.

It can also be humbling, thinking on past goals that were never attained for one reason or another.  The challenges within challenges we've set for ourselves over the years.  At what point was that one criteria, that one extra challenge too much?  And yet the progress we had made, perhaps been blind to in some circumstances, meant little if we couldn't answer that challenge.

This one I have personal experience with.  For most of this past year, I had attained a Pokemon Organizer Basic license, which basically allowed me the ability to host officially sanctioned Pokemon tournaments.  Anyone who knows me could tell you that this was a big deal for me, yet for the entire year I had it, I never once used it.  I thought about it, sure, who wouldn't, but no plans ever came to fruition.

It wasn't that I thought I'd be a bad host.  I've helped many people learn the game over the years, whether it be the TCG or the video games, though it may have required a different approach, as I've usually not been one to force people to play the standard format.  No, the thought that bugged me was the hot shot challenger, the eventuality that someone who cares more about winning and losing than I do would come to one of my events, and within the span of one game try to convince everyone that following me could be hindering them.  Because to me, the game has never been about wins or losses, but bringing groups of friends together, occasionally bull-shitting each other along the way.

Sure, it's hard to argue that it'd be nice one day to go to a Pokemon World Championship event just to say I went.  But to actually be able to compete at that level?  I don't think I'm anywhere close to the experience some of those players bring to the table, honestly because I don't think I could bring myself to care so much about the wins and losses.  Every game has a lesson to learn, especially when helping others learn it.  Sometimes it can mean holding of on your combo long enough to gauge someone's true strength and skill.  To help them see their own value.  The hardest skill to master can be how to lose a winning game.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those motivated to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Unto the Breach

Let me start off by saying that no matter how I've thought about this, there has always been bits that part of my thoughts go, "Yep, that's going to upset some people."  I even thought about not giving my own personal thoughts on these controversial divides the "Penny's Worth of Thoughts" tag, as I have tried to keep it as much of a neutral ground as I could.  But, that reasoning also doubles back on me: I like the neutral ground as a way of offering communication with a variety of different perspectives, yet how can I truly claim that if I'm fearful of bringing my own to the table.  So, I sit here ready to type in hopes that I can show some faith in my own neutral ground, and maybe a bit of perspective of what I keep to myself as I continue on with this series.

Let's start with what could very well be the big thing of this entire post: Yes, I support President Trump.  Yes, I know that he has rubbed people the wrong way, and in that regard, I can agree that there could perhaps be more tact in some of what he says or does.  However, I think his approach to the president's seat with the business mindset has had some positives in one way or another.  I also realize that not everyone has had the same experiences.  Truth be told, there are probably a few things I'm not aware of, both on the positive and negative sides, as politics is not something I stray into, sometimes even actively avoiding--and as an aside, I've sat rereading just what I had up to this point, not to figure out what to add, but thinking of all the potential comments punching holes into just this one paragraph, for more than a few minutes now.  Believe me, you all would have great questions and statements that I have no answers for.  I even just typed this much just to appease my neutral mentality, further raising my own self-doubts on the rest of this post.

Shifting on, before I reread for the tenth time, as I'm already starting to come to the conclusion that I suck at picking sides.  The next main one involves religion, as you'd be surprised how frequently I get asked of my faith.  My response is usually, as is my trend, of my neutral stance, but I'd like to take this to elaborate.  The closest identifier I've ever come across is the one of agnostic, being someone who believes what I can prove, though it's less in the regard of being unable to prove any deity, and more in the line of, with our current understandings, such proof is beyond our grasp.  I grew up Methodist Christian, which is where some of my mannerisms stem from.  My neutral stance came about with the simple realization that many religious stories have more similarities than most realize, just told from a different perspective from one another, making it difficult for me to wholly agree or disagree with any.

With the two major ones out of the way--and yes, I know there's probably just as many holes in my religious view as my political--most of the rest are either less controversial, or at the very least, less mentioned.  Starting with the one my recently abuzz with the recent Super Bowl: No, I do not have a sports team I root for.  You'd have better odds of finding a legit 6IV, choice natured Shiny Pokemon with no masuda, charm, chain, or IV breeding than to find me rooting for a sports team--and for those not fluent in Pokemon nerd: one in a million has better odds than what I just described.  LGTBQ group, or non-binary, which ever you guys are going by these days, I'll just start by saying that in my reasoning, male and female are done deal as far as genders, as far as sexuality, you guys do you, just leave me out of it.

I think that's just about it.  I'm sure I've probably got a half dozen or more talks or comments coming my way, so it's probably time to retreat into my Yoshi Egg after posting this.  I will say actually typing it out was much shorter than my thoughts had me expecting it to be... though some chunks probably got cut as I started.  Hell, even getting this far, I'm still tempted to hit that X in the corner, stop myself from following Pandora's path.  And yes, I know, I really am bad at picking sides, but a neutral zone has to be open to all sides, even it's own.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those who don't hate me for reading them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Kind Hearted Memories

I'll be completely honest in saying that the post I was considering before this was intended to be a follow-up of my previous one, just that the more I kept thinking over it, and finding it just didn't seem to have the message I was intending, I've decided it needs more thought first.  Unlike this one, which I practically had the full idea for within a few hours of playing a demo for an upcoming remake last Thursday.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Rescue Team DX.  A remaster of PMD: Red/Blue Rescue Team.  And, man, the memories.  Some of you may not know this, but it was with those games that I first had a presence within any Pokemon communities online, on the old Nintendo forums, and thinking back on those memories, I felt like there may be some refreshing stories, and lessons, to tell.

One of the bonuses of the PMD games, and one that, while inaccessible in the demo, the menu shows is keeping true to the originals, was the ability to use passcodes given from person to person in order to rescue, or be rescued, in game by a fellow player.  I couldn't even tell you anymore how many I at least tried to help, as at the time there were more experienced rescuers.  But, one thing I recall very clearly, is the warming feeling of either typing or seeing those rescued codes with the tag "No reward necessary".  I think there was at least four or five of us that took on those missions just to help others have better experiences with the games, and it was a sense of community that so often gets overlooked anymore.

It's easy to fall into traps of discouragement.  Someone's first try in any competitive scene is often met with judgement of choice or being barraged with the supposed helpful tips or suggestions that forget to account for the lack of skill or knowledge one may have.  Some may even get discouraged at the losses themselves, not aware of the experience they are intended to gain.  Yet, with PMD, the scene was cooperative, with really the only competitive side being races to the bottom of the ninety-nine floor dungeons.  Hell, I even knew of some who used the rescuer system as a way to trade in-game items that were hard to find.

People get so wrapped up in competing with each other, even when there's nothing to compete over.  I feel it can almost be a detriment, forcing our own focus on one path and away from another.  But how to implement those more cooperative paths, that's the real trick of it all, and of course the solutions vary problem to problem.  But I feel the best place to start is in absence of the competition, perhaps in search of those who would honestly say "No reward necessary" to any help they can provide.

If any of you should find yourselves down on your luck on your own mystery dungeon adventures, Team FlameSquad is always ready to lend a hand, if able.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those who decide to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: Controversial Controversy

I've made no secret that I have an amount of disdain when it comes to controversial topics and "A Penny's Worth of Thoughts", not because I don't have a personal stance on them, in most cases I do.  It's more that the idea, the general premise, the core of why I started Penny's Worth was to broaden perspectives in the hopes of bringing an understanding, rather than narrowing them in on an objective.  My personal beliefs should be just that, my own personally, not something to influence the perspectives of others into, mainly because I feel that even if I could, their view of it and my view would still differ.  My experiences, my thoughts, however vague at times, are not likely to match exactly with someone else's.

But, part of bringing an understanding to others is to create a system of conversation, and as I think more on things of that nature, we could certainly use more of those systems.  The part my own thought stream has been following as of late is on the how.  Is it even possible, when even just the mention of a controversy can polarize people's minds and perspectives on opposite sides of an argument that hasn't even started yet?

It seems silly at times, how just the word controversy can create one.  But, in a sense, that's what it's designed to do: create conflict.  It's even a writing mechanic, a way to introduce or develop the conflict of a story.  Does it work?  I could point to Harry Potter's "boy who lived" as an example.  It doesn't seem like it, but it works out much like a controversy, polarizing viewpoints within the story based on their perspective of what they believe actually happened.  And what is a controversy but just that?

We fall easily into the trap, too.  Even more so now that before, in some cases.  Perhaps from latent fight or flight instincts, except that over time, either we've used the flight so much that it's lost our value to us or we just hit a point where we actively decided that flight is no longer worth it.  There's an adage, from a book or a movie that, for the life of me, the title has slipped my mind, which goes "A soldier prays for peace but prepares for war."  Looking around any source of outlets these days, it seems like people forget the praying for peace, almost seeming as if they are praying the opposite.

It actually reminds me of one of my High School English papers, of which the general gist is that sometimes what is peaceful to one person can seem chaotic to another, and what could often be the key to that one's peace is a certain level of control over the chaos.  Seems contradictory, doesn't it?  But, perhaps, useful today.  An old perspective within a sea of chaos, somehow finding peace.

It could be my thoughts are just trying to remind me of that place, perhaps in preparation of what's to come as I open my thoughts to the controversial for the first time in a long time as I place that small hint of control: broad, not specific.  And though I highly doubt, even now, that I would touch some topics still, others seem just possible.  This is the perspective I'd wish to share, the calm of the storm.  A sense of peace and understanding within the chaos.  The trick of it is, even if I tried, I could not lead you to it.  It comes from a place that each person must find of their own, typically as unique as they are.  A place referred to as a "Walden" as I recall.

As for mine?  Well, let's just say that any of my classmates who read this will know what I mean when I say that this Penny's Worth still has my usual gaming reference within it.  You just have to know where to look.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for anyone willing to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thoughts: The Negativity Stigma

Here's a thought stream that I've been finding myself in lately; so much so that I was actually intending on typing out this post last week, but found myself... I don't know how to describe it other than feeling that it needed more thought first.  Stigmas, negativity, and even the duo combined.  There's a lot that can be seen for both anywhere you look, whether it be an individual, or even a personal, view on nationalities, work, or even just seeing a certain state tag on the back of a vehicle who's driver probably needs to retake their driving test.  And, if you let it, such thoughts can consume one's mind completely, even if it's unintentional.

To that end, I've been thinking of a thought experiment that, if I'm completely honest, I don't even know for sure if it'll work as intended.  Think of the things in your life and split them: the good from the bad, positive and negative.  How many of you started with the negative side first?  Was it because you figured it would be easier to find the negatives?  Or simply because you felt there would be more on that side?  Before you scrap that thought though, try this: from the positive side, remove from the list the things that you could do without in a given day, even just for a moment.  And from the negative side, remove only the things that, if they just happened to not be there one day, your day would feel... off.  Did it balance out, or perhaps even find yourself on the flip side of what you originally thought: that you now have more positive than negative.

The point of the experiment is to try and show just how much more focus we can put on the negative in a given moment, to the point where we can overlook the positive that is right in front of us.  And sure, I could say to try and see more positive every day, but I think some would agree that after some amount of time, even with the intention of seeing the good, we feel ourselves drawn toward the bad.  Or perhaps, one particular bad just makes itself more difficult to ignore.

This is where I think some of the stigmas come in.  I'd almost say the saying of "waiting for the other foot to fall" is kind of a stigma itself, leading to a negative expectation.  It's as if that is our mind's default state, we see so much good, so we can't help but feel that something bad is just around the corner.  Sometimes, I think, the expectation almost wills it into existence even.  It's such a complex problem that I don't think there could be a catch all solution to it either.

It's reminiscent of the recent launch of Pokemon Sword and Shield even.  There were loads of stigmas spreading through members of the community, whether by malicious intent or misinformation, and yet, having gotten mine about month into the release, sure, I could see some of the points made.  But, in playing it, it still felt like a true Pokemon game to me.  And that's the point, right?  People saw the negative because they wanted it to be better, but what I think they didn't see just because something isn't better, doesn't necessarily mean that it's worse.

And perhaps that's the biggest stigma we get ourselves into.  The subconscious idea that if it's not better, than it has to be worse.  We get so caught up in trying to be better that staying the same feels like we are letting ourselves down instead of thinking the possibility that maybe, just maybe, at that point in time, the truly better thing is the stability of being the same.  So caught up with the idea of greater or more that we lose sight of the have enough.

The best I can offer in resolution is this: that list from earlier?  Take out the divides, maybe mix it up a little, then take a look at it.  Really think about it when you answer one question: does it still make sense?  Maybe just trade one or two things around?  Sometimes the positive, good things we see everyday can get misplaced until you view it from another angle.  And maybe, that new perspective you gain from that gives tell of your personal solution to the outcome.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for those willing to read them.

A Penny's Worth of Thought: A concept of failure

A penny's worth of thoughts.  Just typing those words again brings back some memories.  I figure if I plan to continue with blogging again, what better way than what could arguably be the core part of why I started in the first place.  So, why with a subtitle involving failure?  Simply put, because it's a thought that my mind has had me thinking about most of this past week.

The origination of this particular thought process began last Friday, after viewing a video on youtube called "How Warframe Broke the Rules" on GameSpot's youtube channel, which I'll link at the bottom for reference.  In particular, it was near the end, when asking if they thought they would know when it would come time for Warframe to end.  My interpretation on the reaction was similar to how some people react when faced with a "What if" finale question, as you can almost watch her go from asking herself questions such as "Was it my/our fault?" and "Is there anything we could've done?" to spurting out an answer that almost sounds as much to convince herself as it was to answer the question.  It started my thoughts on why viewing things at an ending can almost have a negative connotation, and perhaps the idea of the failure in itself.

What's kept me from typing out my thoughts before now is, even as the words flowed, I couldn't help but get a sense that they were more than just familiar.  Possibly, that I would end up repeating something I had previously posted.  And then, as the catalyst question to myself, asking if they would be any less true simply because of the fact that I could be repeating myself, and then asking, truly, if it would feel like a failure if I did.

"Sometimes the idea of failure depends on the perspective you look at it from" the familiar sounding phrase would repeat to me multiple times, alongside various examples, ranging from gamers losing a game to a closing-in-on-30 person being asked why they don't have a boy/girlfriend and just shrugging because they aren't quite sure how to answer it in a meaningful way.  And then, to my surprise, I found a new stream of words that seemed to run parallel but not quite touch.  The concept of failure itself.  Because, even that can vary by perspective, and what seemed to be the added variable was time.

And so I begin with how gamers typically have a unique perspective on the concept: if they fail, they can just try again.  But, as watching a number of Mario Maker videos will tell you, the time invested into a level just to constantly catch that kaizo block, even if clearly marked, at the final jump can be disheartening, perhaps even lead some to give up and call it a failure.  Never mind the fact that I couldn't do possibly half of what they have done up to that point personally, showcasing that they clearly are better from the experience of doing similar stunts before, and yet calling it a failure still because that goal was never met.

This is where I believe the issue lies.  Yes, things can end, even with some considerable time put into them.  But to consider the ending a failure, to me, is devaluing the experience earned along the way.  Some goals are put just out of reach, forcing us to learn the proper timing of that final jump as a way of proving to ourselves that our experience was worth it.  But to say that if we miss, if we hit that stupid block one more time, that the experience is null?  I think that's just our minds defaulting to a state of negativity.  Similar to how a presider of a funeral will, at some point, ask if there are memories we would like to share.  Memories, not disappointments.  I feel they do so knowing our minds will trend to darkness, and that occasionally, we must force ourselves to see the light.

And here I go again, thinking I've dipped into the words I've said before.  Yet, with new context, and perhaps a new meaning.  And I ask myself again: does it mean less now than it did then?  I suppose you could say that it might just depend on who you ask.

Just a penny's worth of thoughts, for anyone willing to read them.

GameSpot: How Warframe Broke the Rules

8 years

Has it really been eight years?  It doesn't seem so long since my last time posting, but as the timestamp on my last post... and the fact I had to remember my password... would suggest, a great deal of time has indeed passed.  Four moves, practically as many jobs, as well as the highs and lows in between, and here I sit, once again with a keyboard in front of me, and a race of thoughts going through my head as I try to pick out the exact words and phrases that convey those thoughts to type out.
So why come back now?  Why, after all this time, do I proceed with reviving a blog that some may have forgotten that they were even following?  In truth, even I am not 100% sure.  But one thing I do know, in this day and age, there are a bunch more perspectives to view from than I had once even perceived, with the main difference between each, it seems, being merely a question of perspective.  As my past posts, and even my own perspective of my abilities, would suggest, I have a knack for seeing things from other points of view.  It may not be crystal clear all the time, but I'd like to think, even when my word choice is wrong, I at least see enough to understand a basis.
Even still, the perspectives I try to understand; whether it be through social media, personal interaction, or just witnessing events, can be so distant that you could almost give whiplash to the brain instead of the body.  Most seem to stem from a thought of "I'm right, so the other must be wrong" even though it's, often, much more complicated.  The confusion, frustration, or even anger at times comes from a lack of middle ground to discuss openly, because even when it is offered, ideas seldom come without their own biases.
As is typical for me, my medium defaults to a game that I feel helps to convey my thoughts, if not easier, simpler to some respect, and oddly, there are two that come to mind this time: Chrono Trigger and Evoland 2.  Both share a similar premise, time travel, with the differences being basically all else.  So why these two for an ancient blog revival on perspectives?  Because one could argue that the story is the same, but told through another perspective.  One is told by choice.  The other by accident.  In a broad sense, you could say that in both storylines, the plot climaxes with stopping a "world ending catastrophe" involved with the time splitting element, directly or indirectly.
Where they differ is where I think the words in my head are correlating the perspectives.  They start simply enough; in one, the choice is made to rescue a companion before finding out that something ended the timeline, while the other, an unfortunate accident that you try to help a companion return home from comes to learning that it may not be such a simple trip.
The point is that while time travel is a key component in both, for one it's introduced as part of the conflict.  In the other, is essentially serves as the only path forward until the true conflict is revealed.  And I feel like this is where my perspective thoughts lean: While we like to feel like we have choice in most everything we do, there are on occasions times where we feel equally as much that the decisions are predetermined, and it's not always black and white as to which is which.  Hell, I'd wager enough to say that sometimes, it's even possible to confuse the two.
It reminds me of that old "6/9" meme on the same idea; where two characters point to the number, saying what it looks like from their side.  I remember a time when that had meaning.  Most days you see in anymore, there's an addendum that says that one should clearly be right, and the other completely wrong, stating that there should be more numbers nearby that hint at which it is.  And logically speaking, I would agree.  But, I've also seen true where things... don't always behave logically, and I think that was the original point, lost in the conundrum.  With a vacuum without logic, what you see is based on your own perspective.  At the same time, with logic, the logic itself becomes it's own perspective.  So here's my question: Seeing the puzzle with logic, is your perspective by choice or predetermined by the logic at which you adhere it to?
In the end, I suppose it doesn't matter much in this particular instance, but I would also say that it's not always the case.  People who do things out of fear, anger, or sometimes just to survive can feel like they are in a situation in which that decision is taken from them, that they did what they were forced to have to do.  At the same time, if you do something out of habit, even if the habit started as a choice, at what point did it become predetermined?  Four choices later?  Ten?
The problem I see most have with seeing other's perspectives is that those elements are removed, even in the best of cases.  It's difficult to understand one's habits, one's fears, one's triggers unless you were there to see them develop.  And that, in part at least, is why you see such the divide in perspectives today.  Young look at the elderly, or even authority, with disdain simply because those individuals can't understand them, while at the same time the elderly or authorities just watch, confused simply because they can't understand, because the situations that are happening are actually foreign to them.
It is unfortunate, too.  There is no clean middle ground, either because time has moved without us, or because we fear our time is coming to an end.  And there's no easy solution, as much as one or all sides try to find one.  Even in Chrono Trigger and Evoland 2, the resolution isn't so clean cut.  Sure, you can fix the timelines, but one asks the question of when it is resolved, while the other ask makes you question if the resolution ends up being the cause all along.  The best advice I can give?  Perhaps to just take a moment, regardless of which side you are on, and ask why, and to keep asking why, even if you eventually reach that "I don't know... just habit, I guess" answer.  To not solve the problem, but to try and learn why the problem exists in the first place.  And if you find that point of disconnection, perhaps ask if there is a way to tie some wires together.  Because even if the current isn't as strong, at least it would be better than nothing at all.

Getting back into blogging

I'm going to get back into blogging.  After all that's happened hear lately, kinda miss it honestly.  Updates from last time: I didn't finish the Autumn Friendly, but had a few good battles, so it was all good.  I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes the Wednesday before Thanksgiving.  It's been a little rough, still getting used to some things, but something I added onto the blog here this morning I think should help.  Some of you may have notice a new tab up top that says Sugar Levels.  It's a chart of my blood sugars, and I figured it would not only help make sure I get on the blog more often, but would help my diabetes doctors keep track of me.  I'm still going to do Gamer Thoughts, Penny's Worth, and my story, so if you guys have anything you want me to talk about for the Gamer Thoughts or Penny's Worth, let me know.  Other than that, what I'm thinking I might do is sometimes, if I don't feel like typing or something, I'll post a video with what I wanted to type.

So it's been awhile

Quite a bit has happened since my last post.  I was sick that first weekend, most likely from the dust from work, and the following week my great grandma passed away.  Work changed some once I got back, and it's a little easier to manage everything, but still has it's difficulties.  I've also got a plan for saving up for my college for paleontology.  If all goes well, I should be out of the charcoal plant by the end of July, 2013. I've also entered the nintendo wifi tournament, 2011 Autumn Friendly.  Hoping I have luck in it.